Bonsoir mesdames and messieurs,
Most sad I am zat I, Monsieur Lapin, lately of ze following address, La Bonne Boucherie, rue St Antoine, Paris 75004, am to leave you so soon.
I find myelf in ‘ot water. ‘Ot and salty water to be precise. ‘ow ees zis?
‘Ow did zees ‘appen, you may ask… Bon, je vais everysing expliquer…
My name is Monsieur Lapin de la Moutarde (my ancestors were wise enough to drop le “d” to avoid ze guillotine), but I feel zat it ees an appropriate note of distinction for a bunny rrrabbit such as myself.
I and ‘alf a a good friend (yes, it ees incredible but it ees true, zey sell ‘alf a rabbit…) were taken ‘ome by a lady who ees looking much like ze ‘aystack in ze fields zat I lurrrved so much when I was ze leetle bunny rrabit ‘opping around in ze French countryside. Madame ‘Aystack takes us ‘ome wiz some bacón (lardons we call it, but I sink zat bacón is ze correct term en anglais, non?).
By zis stage sings are looking not so good for Monsieur Lapin de la Moutarde and ‘is ‘alf companion. We are in little pieces – not toooo little.
Ze bacón ‘its ze pan first and mon Dieu! What a noise it makes as it bubbles and fries. I am quite alarmed. Ze bacón is then saved.
It is ze turn of ze valiant Monsieur Lapin and his ‘alf friend to ‘it ze fat. I ‘ave ‘ad better days. I am browned off (I sink zis is ze anglais expression, non?). Zen we too are taken out of ze fat and some garlic and onion is put in. Zis is not bad – I love, mais love love love garlic. J’adore dior. “Because I am wors it”! Or am I mixing publicités??? Quelle honte!
Bon, peu importe… when some white wine is sloshed on top sings are not looking too bad. Non, non, non I say to myself. Zis is not so bad.
When bacón and I go back into ze pan I realise zat I am in ‘ot water (stock). It make me sink (to ze bottom but also “sink” as in “use my leetle grey cells” to quote zat gros Belge…). My mind, it wander… I sink of clouds, and grass, and cows, and moles, and voles… Zen my mind eet turn to my friends and family. I sink of mon cher Pierre, zat voleur de radis and ‘is strange relation wiz la Madame Potter… I sink of zose petites coquines Flopsy, Mopsy and zer stupid bruzzer Cotton Tail… I sink of ma cousine always complaining of being pulled out of ze ‘ats at ze magic shows… I sink of zat pauvre bunny who was boiled in ze film wiz zat ‘orrible blonde woman, oh mon Dieu quelle horreur!… I sink of zat lunatic Mister ‘Atter and ‘is obsession wiz ‘is ears and ‘is whiskers… Franchement ‘e and ‘is little friend nymphomaniaque Alice and zat woman most bizarre qui a des délusion de grandeur and believes she is la reine chopping off ze heads of all kinds of people left, right and centre are all most strange… Chopping, chopping, chopping, la guillotine… I am sinking again of my own situation and how I ‘ave now been bubbling in zis water/wine /stock for presque 90 minutes. It is ‘ot in ‘ere.
Ze ‘aystack return and make ze pommes de terres. Her compagnon drinks a glass of vin rouge. La paix est rentrée dans la maison chez ‘Aystack et mari.
My powers of ze little grey cells can muster zis little phrase which I am sinking of and which I share wiz you my chers amis:
Quand il y a la faim,
C’est la fin,
Pour le lapin.
Adieux mes chers amis. It ‘as been un grand plaisir.
Je vous prie d’agréer l’expression de mes sentiments les plus distingués,
Monsieur Lapin de la Moutarde.
P.S Pardonnez-moi ze lack of photographs… Ze ‘Madame ‘Aystack is most useless in all ze matter technologique.
For five people and left overs for tomorrow for Andrés:
1 and ½ bunnies. Ask the butcher to do the chopping.
Some bacon (chop some of the fat off).
1 and ½ onions.
Two tablespoons of fresh estragon.
Two tablespoons of fresh thyme.
Two tablespoons of fresh chopped parsley.
Dijon mustard and grainy mustard.
Heat olive oil.
Brown bacon. Set aside.
Brown the bunny bits. Set aside.
Lower heat and fry onion and garlic. Deglaze with white wine. Add estragon and thyme.
When reduced, add stock and layer in bunny and bacon. Put lid on and simmer for about 60 mins. Make sure it’s quite reduced, so keep the lid off if there’s too much liquid.
When going to serve, heat up again a bit, stir in 3 tablespoons of Dijon mustard and three tablespoons of grain mustard, three tablespoons of crème fraiche, and 1 tablespoon of chopped fresh parsley.
Serve with potato mash (I made the mistake of following the recipe and just doing boiled pots – but the sauce needs mash for soaking. Maybe a salad of mache and roquette?
Cheese afterwards….: A brebis, a comté, a young cantal, and a brie which is already making a run for the door…
Last but not least: DO THE BUNNY JUSTICE AND GET A SCRUMMY WINE!